PoA #13: Freedom's Just Another Word...

My life is very difficult. First of all my parents dont never give me no freedom, they never let me go anywhere with out them and I'm 15. I had alot of freedom when I was younger. I dont have no friends because of them. Im homeschooled too. So Im to the point when I just want to walk out the house and never come back. What should I do?


This is an extremely tricky situation. My first instinct was to tell you that your parents are just being smart, since your inability to put together a coherent sentence proves you're probably retarded and shouldn't be allowed out without supervision. Seriously, you're 15?

However, you're homeschooled. That means really, from the bottom up, this is your parents' fault. You have their genes, and they've been in control of your education. So they're probably worse than you are. Do you happen to live in a trailer?

Honestly, follow your gut. Walk out of the house and never come back. You'll have all kinds of freedoms you'd never imagined... the freedom to do tons of meth... the freedom to sell your body for your next hit... it'll be like you're really an adult. And your complete disregard for the English language won't matter one bit! Your parents will be so proud.

PoA #6: The Kids Are Alright

My granddaughter is seven years old and she is hyper. Her parents (my son and his wife) let her do everything. She goes to concerts, nightclubs, and Vegas with them. She stays up until all hours and always looks overtired. She watches television and says words that would embarrass a truck driver. I feel bad for her. I don’t know what to do.

Your granddaughter sounds like the coolest kid ever. She can hang better than some of my friends. Leave it alone, she’s just getting a taste of the real world. Kids these days tend to be so coddled. Though I am a little confused as to how she’s getting into these nightclubs. Are you sure you’re not just senile, and your granddaughter isn’t really like, 27? I know my grandma got confused toward the end there.