PoA #6: The Kids Are Alright

My granddaughter is seven years old and she is hyper. Her parents (my son and his wife) let her do everything. She goes to concerts, nightclubs, and Vegas with them. She stays up until all hours and always looks overtired. She watches television and says words that would embarrass a truck driver. I feel bad for her. I don’t know what to do.

Your granddaughter sounds like the coolest kid ever. She can hang better than some of my friends. Leave it alone, she’s just getting a taste of the real world. Kids these days tend to be so coddled. Though I am a little confused as to how she’s getting into these nightclubs. Are you sure you’re not just senile, and your granddaughter isn’t really like, 27? I know my grandma got confused toward the end there.

PoA #4: Your Children's Self-Worth

My son just went to a birthday party with his fifteen of his classmates from last year’s first grade class. It was an amazing production with two clowns, a magician, pony rides, and a dog act. I kid you not. They even had a lifeguard by the pool.
We had exchanged birthday invitations with this boy and a few other classmates. We had planned a small party and sleepover out in our tent in the yard. I am feeling inadequate right now. What can we do?

OK, here’s what you do if you want to keep your son’s love. They had two clowns? Hire three. They had a dog act? Have two dog acts. (Honestly, I'm not sure what a dog act is, but preferably your dogs would talk.) They had a lifeguard? Hire Pam Anderson. Are you getting the picture? Honestly, children are very shallow, especially at that age. All your son will remember is how his party measured up to his friend’s party. And right now, it’s sounding woefully inadequate. A tent? In the yard? Do you even love your son at all? His entire sense of self-worth is hinging on this party, so you’d best get out that credit card now. You can think of what good parents you are when you’re paying for that party ten years down the line.